Breaking through

The last few days has shown me that I've made major strides in my fitness level.  I hit the gym for a strength training workout on Saturday and was impressed at how smoothly my walking lunges went.  I was able to do more reps on the pullup assist machine at 15lb under my body weight.  Weights that used to be impossible are now becoming easy. 

My balance is becoming stellar, my strength is growing by leaps and bounds, my endurance is (slowly but surely) picking up, and my newly-amazing core is enabling me to do things I never would have dreamed of.  I did an exercise today that, when complete, left me in amazement of my current athletic level.  I've never even come close to considering myself an athlete, but I think if I keep this up no one will be able to deny it. 

That is So. Amazing.  Me... An athlete?!  Whoa.

I'm starting to think of it like this: When I'm able to do exercises that blow me out of the water, and see how effective, efficient, and strong my body can be, who cares about 10 extra pounds?  It would be nice to have them gone, but now that I'm creeping up on hitting some of my fundamental goals the number on the scale seems to matter less and less.  I wish I could have captured the form I had during a very challenging exercise today, or even just bottled up the feeling I had when I did it.  For so long, I've had physical activities be impressive when I compare them to my own level or where I've come from.  But I'm starting to creep up to a point where I'm doing things that are impressive for any level.  Granted, I'm no Olympian or personal trainer, but when compared to the average person who works out on a regular basis I think I'm starting to hold my own and really excel in some areas.
Through this journey I'm learning new strength, both physical and mental, that I had no idea was within me.  It's an incredible feeling and I stand in awe of how hard I've worked and what I've accomplished so far.  It really makes all the struggle worth it when I have little breakthrough points and take a big leap into new territory.

This is what I'm fighting for.  And I'm incredibly excited to keep fighting :)

Reminder

Dear Self,
Remember that 5 fruit/veggie servings is the minimum.  Really we should be aiming for more like 8.

Love,
Me

Road Trip Recap

Well friends, I'm going to go ahead and call the excursion to Eastern Washington a success. Here's the rundown.

Goal #1 - Track Everything
~ Done!  I also kept track of my good health guidelines and was a superstar at getting in my water, fruit/veggies, dairy, and multivitamin.  The points picture wasn't super pretty by the end of the weekend, but I wasn't holding myself to that so I'm not beating myself up about it.  The important thing was to write it down and get a realistic picture of what I was eating while away from the normal routine.

Goal #2 - Do Some Form of Exercise Every Day
~ Done!  Wednesday I walked.  Thursday I did C25K.  Friday I did pool aerobics (just kind of winged it) and walked.  Saturday I did C25K.  This was a big victory for me, and I feel really good about it.  It did mean sacrificing the ability to sleep in, but it was a major step in the right direction of keeping with my weight loss goals while away from home.  Score! :)

Goal #3 - Plan Ahead
~ Done!  It meant obnoxiously taking up way more room in the car than my two travel companions with my cooler and grocery bag full of stuff, but the planning ahead paid off.  Observe the awesomeness of my hotel mini-fridge, stocked with healthy goodies:

Goal #4: - Avoid "Vacation Mode"
~ Mostly.  I did indulge in more high-point things than normal, but was able to use effective ways to reduce the negative impact when I did.  Case in point: ordering a cheeseburger at a restaurant and only eating half the bun.  Things like that.  And giving in to the Dairy Queen a block away from the hotel only once :)

Overall, I think I did pretty spectacularly.  It was eye-opening to see how much damage some foods do when none of my normal options are available.  It was also good practice for the planning ahead and exercising on vacation. You may remember that I set up a planned perfume reward if I accomplished all of these goals. 

The end result?  Sweet smelling victory.

Road Trippin

So far so good for my first week of WW recommitting.  In my groggy state this morning I forgot what day it was and weighed myself a day early, but the news was good: down 1.8lbs! 

I seem to have a pattern of doing well and then slipping up when life happens.  Vacations, camping trips, holidays, birthdays, etc have been at the outset of many a bad week (or month...).  Tomorrow I'm leaving for a 3-day conference on the other side of the state, and am determined to keep the good progress going.  It's historically really hard for me to maintain my good intentions while away from the usual routine.  I can usually hold out for a day or two but then the freedom gets in my blood and I remember things like "french fries are tasty" while conveniently forgetting "a full serving of fries is 1/3 of your daily points."  Luckily I'm fresh off the energy of last week's motivation freak-out so I'm being proactive and creating a plan in advance:

1. Track everything.  Even if I eat way more than normal, I'm at least holding myself to tracking it.
2. Do some form of exercise very day.  The initial plan is a C25K workout on the gym treadmill every morning but this could be expanded to include swimming/water exercise or walking around the city.
3. Plan ahead.  I'm planning to bring a cooler with some healthy options for snacks, breakfast, etc.
4. Don't go into "vacation mode."  AKA, give a shit about my goals even when I'm out of town.

I discovered a perfume that I fell in love with at a little shop in downtown Vancouver last week, and if I come back from Yakima feeling good about things and having met those 4 goals, I plan to reward myself with that.  Cause we all know that next to looking good, smelling good is where it's at :)

It's ass-kicking time

I'm at a fork in the road.  Something has got to change.  I'm getting really anxious seeing my scale creep up and actually having pants in my closet that I can't wear because they're too tight (it's been a long time since that has happened, something I've been pretty proud of).  I see my options as this: recommit to the program I've been doing, or find something new. 

For the last 2 1/2 years I've been following Weight Watchers Online.  Many of you know this, many don't.  I'm kind of strangely guarded about coming out of the WW closet, but I feel like now's as good a time as any.  Part of the blogging thing is increasing my accountability and opening myself up to shedding some light on my journey.  It's been a good run with Weight Watchers.  I started the program 40lb down from my highest weight ever, and was able to lose another 23lb through the program - 7lb away from my goal weight.  Fabulous, right? 

The problem seemed to come when they switched methods.  The program I started on was called Momentum, and assigns a points value to each food based on a formula calculating calories, fat, and fiber.  The new plan is called Points+ and takes calories out of the equation, relying on carbs, fiber, fat, and protein to calculate points+ values.  I love the theory of the new program as it focuses on eating less processed foods and more fruits & veggies, things I value anyway.  The problem?  My slow but steady weight gain of 11lb.  Beginning?  When they switched over the program.  Oof.  I don't know why it took me 6 months to figure this out, but hey, at least I'm here now :)

I'm not quite ready to give up on WW yet though.  It's been a good run and I've learned a lot of good things from the plan.  So I'm recommittng to giving it another good shot and if it still doesn't work for me after trying my best then I'll move on to something else.  Here's what I'm thinking...

Things I do well:
-Exercise (been in a really good routine the last month or so)
-Drinking enough water
-Tracking what I eat (tracked every day for the last month, yay!)

Things I need to work on:
-Hitting my healthy checks each day (WW recommends: 64oz fluids, 5 fruit/veg servings, 2 tsp healthy oil, and 2 servings dairy as well as exercise & taking a multivitamin)
-Planning meals ahead of time (I'm so-so good at this, what I think will help is tracking the full day ahead of time)
-Moderation.  Specifically when it comes to sweets.  I've been eating way too much chocolate and other tasty dessert things lately.  A few times a week is ok but I'm finding that doing it every day isn't helping anything
-Staying within my points.  I kind of fail at this. 

A saying I've heard from other WW members is "if you kind of work the plan, it kind of works."  I'm totally guilty of this.  "If you really work the plan, it will really work for you."  Gotta do it.

So, there you have it.  My plan.  I'll give it a few solid weeks and then re-evaluate.  I've done this before, and I know I can get back to confidence about my weight loss journey. 

Time to kick some ass :)

Nugget of Inspiration

At this stage of the game, mediocrity can no longer be allowed to fly.

-Eminem, Cinderella Man



Truth.

p.s. I'm pretty hit or miss on Eminem, but I LOVE this song. 

Slump

I think I overdid it this weekend.  Rough going today.  Super tired of all the ups & downs.  Got in some good workouts but my body is exhausted now. 

I've got to figure out a way to get the better of this health thing before it gets the better of me. 

I want to be over this.  I want to work out like a badass and be able to feel like a badass.  Feeling like this is one of the most draining things I've ever experienced. 

One foot in front of the other I suppose.  Feeling totally ready for leaps & bounds instead of shuffling along in survival mode. 

And apparently I'm too tired to write in paragraphs.  Short spaced-out sentences for today.  That's what it's like in my brain - only able to squeak out the minimum amount of information or energy to accomplish what I need to. 

I hate survival mode.  Ready to start thriving again.  Seriously, seriously ready.

Any day now...

Namaste

If you're unfamiliar with the word "Namaste," it's a yoga term which I understand to mean, in its most basic form, "thank you." I've also known it to take on connotations of a sense of community expressed after sharing a yoga session together. I still have a lot to learn about the ins & outs of this complex term, and yet it already fills me with a sense of peace.

Tonight's yoga class had about double the participants of a usual session. Normally I seem to adopt sort of an "I hate people, especially in large groups" attitude. In this post-yoga blissful state where I sit now, that really kind of makes me sad. In fact, it hurt a little just to write the word "hate" and consider that it was a reflection of my inner state. Tonight's class was beautifully enhanced by the number of people. It's like the zen in the room increased exponentially with each body.

Tonight's class left me with a feeling of appreciation for my body, and acceptance of all the things that make other bodies different. There is beauty in the variety. Granted, I'm still probably chock full of endorphins but in this moment it feels so silly to dislike so strongly the extra curves that take residence on my belly, hips, and thighs. They are a part of me and I'm a little offended that I've been so angry at them for so long.

I have decided to remind myself of tonight's warm fuzzies by hanging onto a rock imprinted with the word "accept." tonight's revelation feels so powerful that I want to carry a piece of it with me everywhere. I truly am in awe at the power of tonight's meditation on my mindset. In awe and incredibly grateful.

Namaste.

Perspective

Yesterday, I got a little perspective.

I was talking with my friend Christie, workout guru extraordinare.  I basically recapped the last post to her: my pride in the healthy numbers in my body compared to continued frustration with the scale.  And I really, really liked the way she looked at it.  So, advice taken, here is the new perspective on my weight loss journey & health:

I am healthy.  I have worked long & hard to eat better and lose weight for my health.  AND NOW I'M HERE.  I achieved one of my major goals.

I'm at my goal for improving my health.

Whoa.  I'm still kind of in awe at the magnitude of it.  That doesn't mean my journey is done.  I still want to lose about 17 lbs from where I sit today, which will bring me at the magical number I've had in my head all this time.  I still want to be more comfortable in my clothes, reduce my body fat, and increase my muscle.  And get even healthier.  Losing weight for those reasons feels like so much less pressure now, because I now have confirmation that all of this effort has been working. 

I feel like the mental shift equates to the difference between needing to lose weight and wanting to.  I think I've conceptually moved from one to the other.  There's not a medical reason at this point for me to shed any more pounds.  Now it's up to me and my desire to excel at the fun exercise things I like to do, to be more comfortable in my skin, and continue being a badass at this whole healthy living thing :-D

Health snapshot

Yesterday at work I participated in a health screening program.  They checked our height & weight, blood pressure, and drew blood to measure cholesterol and glucose.  The results?  Completely stellar.

Total Cholesterol: 149 (desirable - less than 180)
HDL "Good" Cholesterol: 69 (desirable - greater than 55)
Total/HDL Ratio: 2.2 (desirable - less than 4.0)
Glucose: 72 non-fasting (normal - less than 140)
Blood Pressure: 104/70 (normal - less than 120/80)

Fabulous, right?  I've never had my cholesterol checked before and am pretty proud of how healthy I am in that area.  My blood pressure has also gone down recently (although it was never above normal range) and I'm happy to see that my glucose is far from any diabetic concern (sometimes I wonder if it's too low toward the hypoglycemia spectrum, but I digress).  The basic result is that my inner workings are healthy, happy, and efficient.  Yay!  Really good feedback in an area I don't usually examine.

I've debated back & forth on writing about the last measurement they took - weight.  That's the tricky one.  Kaiser has developed a new version of the BMI chart - instead of the heinous previous categories of "normal" "overweight" and "obese" they've now established "good weight for most people" "may lead to health problems for some" and "increasing risk of developing health problems."  I fall into the "overweight" category with traditional BMI, and my goal weight lies at the top of the "normal/healthy" range.  I figured I would fall into the middle category on this one too, but was shocked to find that I'm sitting right on the border of "may develop problems" and "increased risk."  Say what?  Did we not just establish that I'm healthy?

I'm annoyed that this one factor can get in my head and take up so much space.  I know that I'm a healthy person (and just got some new fabulous confirmation of that) but when I step on the scale it screams "unhealthy" at me.  It's just a number I know, but it's one that carries so much weight (couldn't resist).  There's so much emotion tied up in that number.  Unfortunately, it's been one of the hardest numbers to change.  I've changed the number of days & minutes I exercise for, the number of calories I ingest, the number of servings of fruits & veggies, water, etc that I eat, but this final number, the one on the scale, is so resistant to change.  Unless, of course, I get off track for a week or two.  It's perfectly happy to change then, just not in the direction I'm looking for.


I also feel compelled to throw in that it's not just the weight measurement that gets to me.  I would be perfectly happy weighing what I do now if I was solid muscle.  I really want to lower my body fat percentage (and find a reliable way to measure that) as well as my waist measurement and clothing size.  The scale just seems to be the most comprehensive way of charting progress.  Or, lately, lack of progress >:[

Jumping In

I'm fresh out of a fabulous yoga class.  Zen-like, but with shaky muscles and juuuust on this side of completely starving, waiting for Allen to get home from the grocery store with some tasty steaks to throw on the grill for dinner.  Seems like as good a time as any to jump head first into the whole blogging thing.  May be kind of short & sweet because my brain functioning tends to be somewhat stunted while under the influence of post-workout hunger (or any hunger really).

The theme of last week's yoga class was love vs. fear and the class expanded on this tonight.  The philosophy is that we approach life from the origin of love or from fear, and the idea is to move as many interactions from the fear space to the love space as we can.  Sound kinda new-agey & weird?  I can see your point but I also really like the philosophy.

I can't help but think of starting this blog in that context.  Through my weight loss journey thus far I've learned a lot of love for myself and have found power I never knew existed.  I've also discovered a whole new level of fear.  I'm feeling some of both by doing this - fear of exposing my participation in this journey to anyone I know who happens to read this.  Fear of judgment, of not living up to the standards I plan to write about, and of just opening up this part of my soul to the greater universe.  But the reason I'm doing it is to increase the love and bring more positive energy into my journey.  I know that negativity isn't going to get me to where I want to be - support, community, and persistence will get me there.

So that's where you all come in.  Welcome to the journey.  I hope you enjoy riding along as much as I've enjoyed the journey thus far.  And I promise it won't always be this touchy-feely with fuzzy metaphors.  I did just come back from yoga after all :)