I think I overdid it this weekend. Rough going today. Super tired of all the ups & downs. Got in some good workouts but my body is exhausted now.
I've got to figure out a way to get the better of this health thing before it gets the better of me.
I want to be over this. I want to work out like a badass and be able to feel like a badass. Feeling like this is one of the most draining things I've ever experienced.
One foot in front of the other I suppose. Feeling totally ready for leaps & bounds instead of shuffling along in survival mode.
And apparently I'm too tired to write in paragraphs. Short spaced-out sentences for today. That's what it's like in my brain - only able to squeak out the minimum amount of information or energy to accomplish what I need to.
I hate survival mode. Ready to start thriving again. Seriously, seriously ready.
Any day now...
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Namaste
If you're unfamiliar with the word "Namaste," it's a yoga term which I understand to mean, in its most basic form, "thank you." I've also known it to take on connotations of a sense of community expressed after sharing a yoga session together. I still have a lot to learn about the ins & outs of this complex term, and yet it already fills me with a sense of peace.
Tonight's yoga class had about double the participants of a usual session. Normally I seem to adopt sort of an "I hate people, especially in large groups" attitude. In this post-yoga blissful state where I sit now, that really kind of makes me sad. In fact, it hurt a little just to write the word "hate" and consider that it was a reflection of my inner state. Tonight's class was beautifully enhanced by the number of people. It's like the zen in the room increased exponentially with each body.
Tonight's class left me with a feeling of appreciation for my body, and acceptance of all the things that make other bodies different. There is beauty in the variety. Granted, I'm still probably chock full of endorphins but in this moment it feels so silly to dislike so strongly the extra curves that take residence on my belly, hips, and thighs. They are a part of me and I'm a little offended that I've been so angry at them for so long.
I have decided to remind myself of tonight's warm fuzzies by hanging onto a rock imprinted with the word "accept." tonight's revelation feels so powerful that I want to carry a piece of it with me everywhere. I truly am in awe at the power of tonight's meditation on my mindset. In awe and incredibly grateful.
Namaste.
Tonight's yoga class had about double the participants of a usual session. Normally I seem to adopt sort of an "I hate people, especially in large groups" attitude. In this post-yoga blissful state where I sit now, that really kind of makes me sad. In fact, it hurt a little just to write the word "hate" and consider that it was a reflection of my inner state. Tonight's class was beautifully enhanced by the number of people. It's like the zen in the room increased exponentially with each body.
Tonight's class left me with a feeling of appreciation for my body, and acceptance of all the things that make other bodies different. There is beauty in the variety. Granted, I'm still probably chock full of endorphins but in this moment it feels so silly to dislike so strongly the extra curves that take residence on my belly, hips, and thighs. They are a part of me and I'm a little offended that I've been so angry at them for so long.
I have decided to remind myself of tonight's warm fuzzies by hanging onto a rock imprinted with the word "accept." tonight's revelation feels so powerful that I want to carry a piece of it with me everywhere. I truly am in awe at the power of tonight's meditation on my mindset. In awe and incredibly grateful.
Namaste.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Perspective
Yesterday, I got a little perspective.
I was talking with my friend Christie, workout guru extraordinare. I basically recapped the last post to her: my pride in the healthy numbers in my body compared to continued frustration with the scale. And I really, really liked the way she looked at it. So, advice taken, here is the new perspective on my weight loss journey & health:
I am healthy. I have worked long & hard to eat better and lose weight for my health. AND NOW I'M HERE. I achieved one of my major goals.
I'm at my goal for improving my health.
Whoa. I'm still kind of in awe at the magnitude of it. That doesn't mean my journey is done. I still want to lose about 17 lbs from where I sit today, which will bring me at the magical number I've had in my head all this time. I still want to be more comfortable in my clothes, reduce my body fat, and increase my muscle. And get even healthier. Losing weight for those reasons feels like so much less pressure now, because I now have confirmation that all of this effort has been working.
I feel like the mental shift equates to the difference between needing to lose weight and wanting to. I think I've conceptually moved from one to the other. There's not a medical reason at this point for me to shed any more pounds. Now it's up to me and my desire to excel at the fun exercise things I like to do, to be more comfortable in my skin, and continue being a badass at this whole healthy living thing :-D
I was talking with my friend Christie, workout guru extraordinare. I basically recapped the last post to her: my pride in the healthy numbers in my body compared to continued frustration with the scale. And I really, really liked the way she looked at it. So, advice taken, here is the new perspective on my weight loss journey & health:
I am healthy. I have worked long & hard to eat better and lose weight for my health. AND NOW I'M HERE. I achieved one of my major goals.
I'm at my goal for improving my health.
Whoa. I'm still kind of in awe at the magnitude of it. That doesn't mean my journey is done. I still want to lose about 17 lbs from where I sit today, which will bring me at the magical number I've had in my head all this time. I still want to be more comfortable in my clothes, reduce my body fat, and increase my muscle. And get even healthier. Losing weight for those reasons feels like so much less pressure now, because I now have confirmation that all of this effort has been working.
I feel like the mental shift equates to the difference between needing to lose weight and wanting to. I think I've conceptually moved from one to the other. There's not a medical reason at this point for me to shed any more pounds. Now it's up to me and my desire to excel at the fun exercise things I like to do, to be more comfortable in my skin, and continue being a badass at this whole healthy living thing :-D
Friday, May 20, 2011
Health snapshot
Yesterday at work I participated in a health screening program. They checked our height & weight, blood pressure, and drew blood to measure cholesterol and glucose. The results? Completely stellar.
Total Cholesterol: 149 (desirable - less than 180)
HDL "Good" Cholesterol: 69 (desirable - greater than 55)
Total/HDL Ratio: 2.2 (desirable - less than 4.0)
Glucose: 72 non-fasting (normal - less than 140)
Blood Pressure: 104/70 (normal - less than 120/80)
Fabulous, right? I've never had my cholesterol checked before and am pretty proud of how healthy I am in that area. My blood pressure has also gone down recently (although it was never above normal range) and I'm happy to see that my glucose is far from any diabetic concern (sometimes I wonder if it's too low toward the hypoglycemia spectrum, but I digress). The basic result is that my inner workings are healthy, happy, and efficient. Yay! Really good feedback in an area I don't usually examine.
I've debated back & forth on writing about the last measurement they took - weight. That's the tricky one. Kaiser has developed a new version of the BMI chart - instead of the heinous previous categories of "normal" "overweight" and "obese" they've now established "good weight for most people" "may lead to health problems for some" and "increasing risk of developing health problems." I fall into the "overweight" category with traditional BMI, and my goal weight lies at the top of the "normal/healthy" range. I figured I would fall into the middle category on this one too, but was shocked to find that I'm sitting right on the border of "may develop problems" and "increased risk." Say what? Did we not just establish that I'm healthy?
I'm annoyed that this one factor can get in my head and take up so much space. I know that I'm a healthy person (and just got some new fabulous confirmation of that) but when I step on the scale it screams "unhealthy" at me. It's just a number I know, but it's one that carries so much weight (couldn't resist). There's so much emotion tied up in that number. Unfortunately, it's been one of the hardest numbers to change. I've changed the number of days & minutes I exercise for, the number of calories I ingest, the number of servings of fruits & veggies, water, etc that I eat, but this final number, the one on the scale, is so resistant to change. Unless, of course, I get off track for a week or two. It's perfectly happy to change then, just not in the direction I'm looking for.
I also feel compelled to throw in that it's not just the weight measurement that gets to me. I would be perfectly happy weighing what I do now if I was solid muscle. I really want to lower my body fat percentage (and find a reliable way to measure that) as well as my waist measurement and clothing size. The scale just seems to be the most comprehensive way of charting progress. Or, lately, lack of progress >:[
Total Cholesterol: 149 (desirable - less than 180)
HDL "Good" Cholesterol: 69 (desirable - greater than 55)
Total/HDL Ratio: 2.2 (desirable - less than 4.0)
Glucose: 72 non-fasting (normal - less than 140)
Blood Pressure: 104/70 (normal - less than 120/80)
Fabulous, right? I've never had my cholesterol checked before and am pretty proud of how healthy I am in that area. My blood pressure has also gone down recently (although it was never above normal range) and I'm happy to see that my glucose is far from any diabetic concern (sometimes I wonder if it's too low toward the hypoglycemia spectrum, but I digress). The basic result is that my inner workings are healthy, happy, and efficient. Yay! Really good feedback in an area I don't usually examine.
I've debated back & forth on writing about the last measurement they took - weight. That's the tricky one. Kaiser has developed a new version of the BMI chart - instead of the heinous previous categories of "normal" "overweight" and "obese" they've now established "good weight for most people" "may lead to health problems for some" and "increasing risk of developing health problems." I fall into the "overweight" category with traditional BMI, and my goal weight lies at the top of the "normal/healthy" range. I figured I would fall into the middle category on this one too, but was shocked to find that I'm sitting right on the border of "may develop problems" and "increased risk." Say what? Did we not just establish that I'm healthy?
I'm annoyed that this one factor can get in my head and take up so much space. I know that I'm a healthy person (and just got some new fabulous confirmation of that) but when I step on the scale it screams "unhealthy" at me. It's just a number I know, but it's one that carries so much weight (couldn't resist). There's so much emotion tied up in that number. Unfortunately, it's been one of the hardest numbers to change. I've changed the number of days & minutes I exercise for, the number of calories I ingest, the number of servings of fruits & veggies, water, etc that I eat, but this final number, the one on the scale, is so resistant to change. Unless, of course, I get off track for a week or two. It's perfectly happy to change then, just not in the direction I'm looking for.
I also feel compelled to throw in that it's not just the weight measurement that gets to me. I would be perfectly happy weighing what I do now if I was solid muscle. I really want to lower my body fat percentage (and find a reliable way to measure that) as well as my waist measurement and clothing size. The scale just seems to be the most comprehensive way of charting progress. Or, lately, lack of progress >:[
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Jumping In
I'm fresh out of a fabulous yoga class. Zen-like, but with shaky muscles and juuuust on this side of completely starving, waiting for Allen to get home from the grocery store with some tasty steaks to throw on the grill for dinner. Seems like as good a time as any to jump head first into the whole blogging thing. May be kind of short & sweet because my brain functioning tends to be somewhat stunted while under the influence of post-workout hunger (or any hunger really).
The theme of last week's yoga class was love vs. fear and the class expanded on this tonight. The philosophy is that we approach life from the origin of love or from fear, and the idea is to move as many interactions from the fear space to the love space as we can. Sound kinda new-agey & weird? I can see your point but I also really like the philosophy.
I can't help but think of starting this blog in that context. Through my weight loss journey thus far I've learned a lot of love for myself and have found power I never knew existed. I've also discovered a whole new level of fear. I'm feeling some of both by doing this - fear of exposing my participation in this journey to anyone I know who happens to read this. Fear of judgment, of not living up to the standards I plan to write about, and of just opening up this part of my soul to the greater universe. But the reason I'm doing it is to increase the love and bring more positive energy into my journey. I know that negativity isn't going to get me to where I want to be - support, community, and persistence will get me there.
So that's where you all come in. Welcome to the journey. I hope you enjoy riding along as much as I've enjoyed the journey thus far. And I promise it won't always be this touchy-feely with fuzzy metaphors. I did just come back from yoga after all :)
The theme of last week's yoga class was love vs. fear and the class expanded on this tonight. The philosophy is that we approach life from the origin of love or from fear, and the idea is to move as many interactions from the fear space to the love space as we can. Sound kinda new-agey & weird? I can see your point but I also really like the philosophy.
I can't help but think of starting this blog in that context. Through my weight loss journey thus far I've learned a lot of love for myself and have found power I never knew existed. I've also discovered a whole new level of fear. I'm feeling some of both by doing this - fear of exposing my participation in this journey to anyone I know who happens to read this. Fear of judgment, of not living up to the standards I plan to write about, and of just opening up this part of my soul to the greater universe. But the reason I'm doing it is to increase the love and bring more positive energy into my journey. I know that negativity isn't going to get me to where I want to be - support, community, and persistence will get me there.
So that's where you all come in. Welcome to the journey. I hope you enjoy riding along as much as I've enjoyed the journey thus far. And I promise it won't always be this touchy-feely with fuzzy metaphors. I did just come back from yoga after all :)
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